Phones & birthday parties: to mix or not to mix?

blur close up defocused depth of field
Photo by Dan Prado on

Recently we hosted our 7th grade daughter’s 12th birthday party, to which 10 classmates were invited. Aside from figuring out what to feed everyone and where to cram all their sleeping bags, Brian and I wrestled with the decision about how to handle phones. We know at least some of the girls, including our kid, don’t yet have their own phones, but we wanted to find a way to keep phones from playing a big role in the event. And we didn’t want to come off as judge-y of other families. Our chief motivations for restricting phone use were 1) to allow the party-goers to focus on real, interpersonal interactions without the distraction of devices and 2) to avoid the need to closely monitor online activity that could result in kids accessing social media or other content best saved for high school or beyond.

After some mental gymnastics, reading this article, and talking with a couple of other parents of phone-free kids, we decided to send an email to all the other parents, which included the following: “Just a heads up that we are hoping to have this be a phone-free event. We’ll plan to collect any phones when kids arrive and keep them safely in our entryway or kitchen. If your daughter wants to access her phone for a moment to text or call you to say goodnight, or to reach you for another reason, that’s certainly fine. You’re very welcome to call or text us at 802-123-4567 if you want or need to.”

We didn’t hear complaints from other kids or parents, and the overall response was favorable and grateful. Moms and dads said things like “THANK YOU for the party being phone free!” and “I love that this is going to be phone-free!” and “I can’t even imagine girls at a sleepover all on their devices….what is the point of a sleepover like that?!” 

It wasn’t a completely tech-free evening. The girls listened to some music on bluetooth speakers playing from an iPod, and they watched a cheesy movie they chose that was deemed age-appropriate by the convenient online resource CommonSense Media.

Aside from the usual sleepover fallout of not enough shuteye, the party was free of major drama and there was lots of laughter and fun. The benefits certainly outweighed any discomfort for us and, we hope, for the kids. We won’t hesitate to do the same for future events. 

We at PSTT wonder, what has and hasn’t worked in your house in terms of phone use and online access at your kids’ gatherings? What might you do differently? 

Post by Amy Mason

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at

Up ↑